People are typically stuck in their ways by the time they hit their 20s. They know what they like. They know what comforts them. They know what they have disdain towards. They're starting to have a good idea of self.
So imagine being in your 20's or late teens and thrown into an unfamiliar environment that represents no form of comfort. From language, to food, to social norms, everything is foreign.
That's how Refugee enclaves in the United States form. No matter how far apart people of the same ethnicity or Refugee cycle are dispersed, they will inevitably pull together to build community and find comfort in "familiar" people who understand their experiences.
And with the comfort and friendships formed within Refugee and Immigrant communities, over time, people thrive. This has certainly been the case in my household and dozens (if not hundreds) of Vietnamese-Amerasian households throughout Southern Maine.
My father is probably the most outgoing Amerasian person Ever, with a HUGE community presence, and a larger than life personality, and my younger sibling seems to be taking up right after him.
But, with the exception of this blog, I am crazy private and usually pretty quiet. You would think I would be pulled into the clique of Amerasian babies from the early 90s too--- but NO.
My mother and brother were scratching their heads in the car about it one day, seeming perplexed about HOW I emerged from a family of extroverts and people's people. Nice people who love people and love to converse and share stories with people. Trusting people who are very proud of their heritage. Optimists.
But when a baby is one, or two, she doesn't have a well-formed understanding of different communities, thus she doesn't have fear of different communities or feels any loyalty or necessity to stick with one community versus another.
Race and ethnicity aren't a thing at that age. With being exposed to different ethnicities and languages starting from preschool, that loyalty or need to be part of the Vietnamese-American community never came.Viet Nam was a place of birth.
When I saw people's desire to pull me into it at barbecues and parties and gatherings and weddings with no different hues or divergent conversations, I always felt a little claustrophobic about it, because I always had choice about what I am and wanted to be and I never gained that loyalty. So as opposed to comfort, all the Vietnamese/ village-ness was overwhelming, and unsettling. And it seems to be that way with most minorities and races.
As an American child, one wants to be American, whatever that may mean.
But the curiosity of White folks from Maine who don't really understand Ethnicity or Privilege, and are always guessing at what someone "is"---> (Human Being, what kind of question is that?), wasn't, still isn't, and likely never will work for me either.
So, I think along the way, I couldn't find the ability to navigate to many individuals or people OF COLOR (let's be clear) without being submerged into enclaves, with enclave stories/enclave culture/enclave relateability, which always make me feel a little bit... claustrophobic and lost. The Vietnamese community here is very tight-knit and that's not easy for a girl trying to write her own history and create her own story, as her own person. A girl who does what she wants without informing or asking permission from the "Community", and thus doesn't really care to hear what they have to say.
I'm not naive to the near impossibility of privacy in enclave communities. People gain their survival and happiness by understanding and navigating norms. As opposed to, "white culture, aka American culture, aka non-culture, communities of color are usually stronger, more vibrant, more proud, they raise children as a community and when children grow, they instill community values and community opinions to ensure the continuation of something special that will inevitably die over time in the U.S. No brainer.
I think what's unsettling with me is that I aim to only make myself, and by extension, my family happy. And fam wants to share their/my joy and experiences while I, selfishly would prefer it be kept my story. Like a celebrity, I share what I want when I want and no one, including my family, gets a say when I don't want them to.
What I call the: 1.5/ first generation struggle. The part American/ Independent/ Private yet part loyalty to family generation. The idea of selecting one's own friends without any buy-in to the idea of family friends. Like-minded people with like minded interests on equality, sexism, education, race, and relationships, that's what most in the 1.5 generation looks for. Just like what our parents sought, but now it's in a different Nation and what's important today is mindset over Nationality.
My life-long, I don't want to say "battle", has consistently been to be seen and related to for my values, interests, and political believes rather than my mixed ethnicity. That's something a white person can NEVER understand. Having to fight to be seen as a person outside of your skin tone. Not being a representative of everyone in your community to the greater masses. That's why I
relate to people of different colors who reside in primarily White spaces: whether they feel entwined to the Nation of their ancestors, whether they go on "Jamaican or Chinese or Indian or Mexican or Somali" marches and events, or they don't, they're still stripped of a choice of how people relate to them, how people view them via a first impression, and how those relationships are extended and impacted moving forward.
I relate because, We, as 1.5 Gen and Immigrants, no matter where from, share that. Never because a certain person was born in a certain place. It's not something to overlook, and color blindness is delusional, but a Nation, "it's food" or "dress" doesn't play into who I see a person as. I feel people out and take a considerable amount of time thinking about WHY they like me or WHY I feel they're genuine before I jump into personal friendships.
People have called that snobbish on occasion. I don't feel a need to explain myself but, to keep it simple, the effort to make friends for the sake of making friends (integrating into community for the sake of integrating into community) doesn't result in true camaraderie, and because the intention is not admirable, it comes back to bite you in the ass. But when a true and genuine investment is made, relationships evolve and they're beautiful.
And yes, 23 years in the U.S. probably informs the way I think, just as 20 plus years in Vietnam informs my parents' generation. Being back in Southern Maine, as a grown ass woman, after 6 years of doing my own thing, I'm really navigating how to co-exist with my morals and personality, as a very idealistic, individualistic, liberal, strong-headed, and private, private, private woman while not being disrespectful or coming off as dismissive, ((though, I think there are differences in the way generations view the idea of communities, family, and especially being a woman within the community, that rightly, or wrongly, has a lot (maybe too much), of outside influence from said community)), although I may, in fact, innately dismiss those ideas.
